What Discipleship can Look Like Without our Man-Made Rules
As a Christian writer who does a lot of research online, I have an algorithm that fills my feeds with Christian content from pastors, writers, speakers, and ministry leaders. While this is a blessing in so many ways, I also find some of the advice, particularly all the “Don’ts,” nauseating, confusing, and honestly, a bit off-putting. Let me share a few I've seen recently, so you can get an idea.
If you are a Christian,
· Don't read devotionals because they aren’t Scripture.
· Don’t miss daily quiet time.
· Don't post about or tell others about your quiet time.
· Don't listen to secular music.
· Don't listen to contemporary worship.
· Don't watch anything rated over PG-13.
· Don't watch The Chosen or any other show that dramatizes Scripture.
· Don't miss a Sunday in the church pew.
· Don’t go to that denomination.
· Don't bring babies into the adult church service.
· Don't sit with unbelievers.
· Don't read The Message (a paraphrase of the Bible written by Eugene Peterson).
· Don't tell your kids lies about Santa and the Easter Bunny.
· Don't dress up for Halloween.
· Don't send your kids to public school.
· Don't shop at that company.
· Don't dress a certain way.
· Don't vote for that political party.
· Don't take mental health meds.
· Don’t listen to your emotions.
· Don’t get tattoos.
· Don’t do yoga.
When I was a teenager, I had a best friend who was heavily invested in a local youth group (which is, or can be, a good thing for most teens). However, the couple of times I went with her, I was so nervous because it was a fire-and-brimstone kind of teaching. The youth pastor looked right at me and said, “If I don’t testify about Christ to everyone I come into contact with, and they aren’t saved, I will go to hell.” Whoa! First, not Biblical; second, I can’t stop to talk to everyone I pass in a mall or on the sidewalk. I would be stuck in a discipling purgatory. Needless to say, I declined her future invites to Wednesday night youth. But one evening, while she rode shotgun in my car, she turned off my rock music and said, “Jesus doesn’t like it when you listen to that. You should listen to worship music instead.” Thankfully, I have never been good at taking orders. That year, I met a boy who loved the same bands as me. We’ve been best friends for twenty-six years and hitched for twenty-one. That girl is a divorced atheist now. [extreme example, I know]
Ironically, I became a youth minister for a couple of years in my forties, because God has a sense of humor. As we discussed how to share the gospel with unbelievers, several teens said a group of youth at their school asks classmates if they believe in Jesus. If the answer is no, they tell them they are going to hell. Y’all, you can’t catch a fish by showing them the frying pan. You offer sustenance, the Bread of Life, and then slowly reel them in. Jesus holds the net. Whether they stay in the boat or not is up to them.
Now, DON’T get me wrong (See what I did there?): sins, unhealthy habits, and destructive things creep into our lives, and there are things we certainly should not do. We should always heed wise advice. I am not excusing immorality. Jesus said, “Sin no more.” The most righteous, especially, are tempted and tested. Why do you think Jesus gives us the gift of forgiveness through repentance, grace, and mercy?
Jesus didn’t say, “Peter, don’t deny me.” He said in Luke 22:31-32, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” Jesus knew the rooster would crow three times, and His friend would betray Him (Luke 22:54-62). He also knew Peter would turn back to Him. Jesus later met Peter with a fire, breakfast, and a heavy helping of love and forgiveness (John 21:15-19). Peter needed the humility that came from falling and needing forgiveness to do the hard work of building the church.
You don’t tell someone what to wear when you invite them to church. And you don’t invite people to a wedding party by telling them what not to do. You say, please come and bring a plus one. With this exhaustive list of don’ts, we make the invitation to know Christ too exclusive, and we create a cookie-cutter walk with Him.
This approach makes Christianity unapproachable, unattainable, unrelatable, and unrealistic for the outsider, and it makes it overwhelming for the Believer who already feels like they aren’t good enough.
As someone who has talked to God since I was a little girl and witnessed His hand all over my life, I've found this advice has made me doubt my faith more than it has gently guided me toward Christ. My game plan going forward is to tune out this noise and become more sensitive to the nudges of the Holy Spirit (just like I did when He told me to write this article, even though I had other writing plans. I also listened to Nirvana while writing it). Don’t get me wrong, I love worship music too. Many of those songs have pulled me from the pit, but God used rock music and my favorite human to also save my life. He’s really good at using all things together for His good purpose and the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).
What Discipleship is... Living out The Great Commandment
I know the gate that leads to life is narrow (Matthew 7:13-14), but everyone’s path leading up to the gate is unique. We aren’t giving others a reasonable chance to find the One who directs their path because they are frightened by our man-made rules and the superficial Christian image we’ve created. The Ten Commandments are the list of dos and don’ts that matter. They are life-giving rules that, if we follow them to the best of our ability, keep us on a righteous path and lead us to a fulfilling life in Christ. Not without pain, of course, but without stain. The Greatest Commandment, to love God and others, is the best gospel we can live and give away freely.
You know, I can’t imagine a world without some tattooed Christian motorcyclist who helps social workers pick up children from abusive homes and carry them to safety. What would our country look like without some foul-mouthed soldiers who laid down their lives for their brothers and sisters? I would be lost without all my friends and family members who were the result of unplanned pregnancies. A prostitute held my hands in the hospital and told me Jesus would restore everything I lost. She was right; He did. And she will always be my favorite anonymous disciple.
My brother’s salvation story is that of a rebellious, broken soul who found Christ two weeks before he passed. His road was wide, twisted, and full of detours. His shame opposed the conventional advice to repent and be saved. His tortured soul finally found rest when God answered our prayers and gave my brother a born-again Christian man with a rocky past who now taught Bible study in the nursing home. My brother slid under the fence at the last possible moment, and God knew this would be his story all along. No one could have written his redemptive ending but Jesus.
I think my personality is often a little too much, but the Holy Spirit spoke to me one car ride with a bumper sticker that read a quote by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich: “Well-behaved women rarely make history.” I mean, I’m not that misbehaved, but okay, God.
Every time I start to question the way God made me, He confirms that He knows what He is doing. God gave me the ability to strike up a conversation with anyone. I have sat with so many people from different walks of life. My best memories are of sharing my testimony with someone in a secular setting, because most of the lost aren’t volunteering at the church. Often, allowing the Holy Spirit and others to interrupt your plans is exactly what discipleship should be.
We are all made uniquely with different spiritual gifts and journeys. We are all made in His image—Imago Dei.
None of us will have a spotless and polished resume when we approach the Judge. It is not humanly possible. But we can invite others on this imperfect journey, so they too get the chance to squeeze through the narrow gate and worship the King in heaven.
Instead of telling them what not to do, we can say, “Come with me.”
“Let me show you what God has done in my life and what He is currently shaping in me.”
“Do ask me questions about God. I would love to tell you about my relationship with Him.”
“Come as you are.”
“Do fall in love with Jesus first. We can let God take it from there.”
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