Moments of Hard-Fought Worship

"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!"--Psalm 95:6 (ESV)

It was almost as if time stood still in the dimly lit auditorium as the voices of several hundred women sang praise to the Lord. It was surreal to watch as worshippers swayed and raised their palms to the sky.  Yet there I stood, almost frozen, muttering lyrics under my breath. I scanned the room to see if anyone else had the same stiff posture as I, but it seemed everyone was swept away in this beautiful, enchanting rhapsody.

I felt so alone.

Then I saw her. A woman in the aisle completely surrendered, kneeling on the ground. The stage lights made her tears sparkle. I watched her for several minutes. Everything about her countenance, her slumped-over shoulders, those tears—were so holy. You could feel the weight of the burdens she was laying down. Her worship of God was so breathtaking.

I felt ashamed as I said a prayer.

Why can't I be more like her, Lord? What is wrong with me?  

As I closed my eyes, I saw a woman on her knees. But there was no stage, no room full of people, and no music. She was all alone. The blinding fluorescent light bounced off the bare white walls, and there was a gray door with a small square window. She traced her tears on the floor with her fingers as if she were writing something. I could feel the cold of the concrete floor on her bruised knees.

The woman appeared to be engaged in a conversation with someone. How could she smile, given her circumstances? All of hell was closing in, yet she sang.

It turns out she wasn't alone because she was praising God. She had invited Him into the four walls of that small room and asked Him some hard questions. It was perhaps the lowest point of her life, but she fought hard to worship that night. She overcame because she prayed, and He was so good to answer.

Then the Spirit whispered something to me, and my eyes popped open, transporting me back to the dimly lit auditorium of heavenly voices. That's when tears rolled down my cheeks as if they were singing to the Savior. Slowly, I reached towards the heavens.

An unexplainable peace washed over me. God freed me from the prison of that barren white room. From the shame, fear, and despair that engulfed my every thought for years. He opened my eyes to see the beauty and courage in that sacred moment of hard-fought worship.

Have you ever fought to worship and acknowledge God is good, even when life didn't feel so good? I know you have—more times than you can probably recall.

You may have sung a couple of verses over a sink of sudsy water after a long day of work. I know you've given thanks for something small and trivial, like a hot cup of coffee, while grieving. Remember when you sat still in His presence while chaos all around you ensued. Then there are those hard questions you had the nerve to ask, knowing that you may not get the answers this side of heaven. It was the "even if" attitude you adopted when darkness pressed in (Daniel 3:18).

Worship from a pure heart and surrendered posture is always music to Jesus' ears. He delights in the adoration, reverence, and exaltation that come from a humble heart.

He takes note of every time you honor and glorify Him, especially the hard-fought moments when no one is watching. He sees you pushing through the pain to praise Him, trusting Him with the unknown. That's pure worship-- beautiful, breathtaking worship!

Questions for Reflection:

1. Are you struggling to worship God in this season? Trust me, I have been there! Try turning on your favorite hymn, writing a gratitude list, or sitting still in His presence for a few minutes.

2. Do you have a designated prayer space in your home? If not, pick a spot and start a conversation with Our Lord today.

Dear Father, you are always good, even when life doesn't feel good. You are worthy, Lord, of all my praise and love. Oh, how grateful I am that you love me, even though I am unworthy of it. You, alone, are my anchor. Remind me to always seek you first, knowing you will part the deep waters. I shall have no fear because I know there is no battle you have not already won. May my worship of you always come from a pure and humble servant's heart. I pray these things in Your Glorious Name, Jesus Christ. Amen.