10 Ways to Bond with Your Baby for Women With Postpartum Depression

If you or someone you know is experiencing mental illness symptoms, please seek professional medical help immediately. https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/helplines/national-helpline

Everything was good and normal until it suddenly wasn’t. Two months after delivering my first healthy baby boy, I woke up to a harsh new reality after the rapid onset of postpartum psychosis. I then suffered through postpartum depression, anxiety, insomnia, and PTSD for eight months. My case was extreme and rare, and I don’t want to scare you. If anything, I want to encourage you that postpartum mental illnesses have an expiration date. My oldest son is eleven now, and I had another healthy baby boy seven years ago without any postpartum mental health issues.

If you have postpartum depression, you probably feel a little overwhelmed, nervous, sad, frustrated, anxious, angry, exhausted, unsure, and detached. Like many other moms and me, you were handed an unfair burden of trying to heal mentally and physically while caring for a tiny human being. I know it is not much consolation, but you are not alone in this, there are far too many women suffering with postpartum depression. According to the National Center for Biotechnology, “Perinatal depression affects approximately 1 in 7 people during pregnancy or within the first year after childbirth. Perinatal depression stems from a combination of hormonal changes, genetic predisposition, and environmental factors, yet up to 50% of cases remain undiagnosed due to the stigma surrounding the condition and patients' reluctance to disclose symptoms.”

As a mom who lived through a host of postpartum mental illnesses, I am here to tell you that you and your child’s health and well-being are the most important thing. Do not let the stigma of mental illness and medication keep you from getting the professional and medical help you need to thrive and love life with your new bundle of joy. Do not fall prey to opinions from uninformed and inexperienced humans, especially Christians who tell you to pray more and have more faith. My experience gave me empathetic, non-judgmental awareness. I listened to the stories of other patients in the psychiatric hospital, and I only have respect for them and the battles they fight.

Amongst the many stresses and anxieties in those postpartum months, I worried about bonding with my baby. While I am no expert in raising children, I wanted to share ten things that I did to make sure my PPD did not get in the way of bonding with my new son.

10 Ways to Bond with Your Baby for Women with Postpartum Depression

1. Listen to music.

Listening to the music you love is therapeutic on so many levels. Babies love music too. I used to play songs and sing to my son while we spent time on my prayer bench on the back porch. When I let the playlist shuffle at random, the Holy Spirit met me right there often with the words I needed so badly.

2. Get plenty of Vitamin D

Both of my boys were born in the spring, so I was fortunate to have beautiful cool weather to get outside. Extensive scientific evidence shows that sunshine and vitamin D3 boost mood. Many adults are deficient in vitamin D. Have your general physician test your vitamin D, thyroid, and iron levels, and recommend supplements. If you can’t get outside because of the weather, carve out intentional time near a window. Use a cue to remind you to spend time outside or near a window, such as feeding time.

3. Fed is best.

Don’t take this as anti-breastfeeding, but I found moms who formula-fed were more heavily stigmatized than those with postpartum depression. I cried during lactation consultations and while trying to breastfeed. The consultants talked me into renting a hospital-grade pump and bottle-feeding. I had no sleep for weeks between pumping, washing pump parts, and bottle-feeding. My husband finally said, “No more,” and we switched to formula. For us, it was the right decision. I strictly formula-fed our second son, and it was the best experience for me.

Breastfeeding can come naturally and be a wonderful experience, but I support doing what is best for mom and baby, whatever route that may be. Don’t feel pressure either way. You can bond with your baby no matter how you feed them. Make eye contact, talk softly, and rub their precious heads. Knowing they are getting the nutrition they need takes a lot of stress off you. The less stressed you are, the more pleasant feedings are for both you and your baby.

4. Wear your baby.

I had an Ergo baby carrier for both boys. Babies love being close to their moms and dads. A sling or carrier frees up your hands so you can do what you need and want. The movement often rocks the baby to sleep, and nothing is better than a sleeping baby on your chest.

5. Get moving with your baby.

I walked every day it wasn’t raining with my child in the stroller or wearing him in a carrier. Most babies love to be held and move. It mimics the gentle rocking they experienced in the womb. Exercise is scientifically proven to enhance mood; so is prayer. I experienced a whole new level of intimacy with God on those walks with candid conversation. Prayers don’t have to be eloquently scripted; start talking.

6. Take all the pictures.

Smartphones have so many cons, but having a digital camera at your fingertips is by far the best pro. Take a picture of your baby every day. Make sure to take a picture of you with your baby whether you feel like it or not. The pictures I have of my boys throughout the years are a testament to a mom (and dad in my case) who has tried their best and given their children plenty of reasons to laugh and smile. We love looking back through the photos and videos with our boys, and they always say that they look like the happiest babies on earth. I give all the credit for their happiness to the Lord. I have prayed for happy, healthy boys since the first one was in the womb. You will be able to bond over their pictures for a lifetime.

7. Write down three things you are grateful for each morning.

Keep a notepad on your nightstand and write down three things you are grateful for from the previous day. It can be something small like a hot cup of coffee or a warm shower. Be intentional and detailed. Try to come up with something new often. A grateful heart leads to a more joyful outlook. The more joy a mom has in her heart, the easier it is to share that joy with a baby.

8. Carve out alone time even if it is just a few minutes each day.

My neighbor had a son with severe colic. He cried all the time and never slept. Several times a day, she would place her son in the security of his crib and step out on the porch for five minutes. He was safe, and she could hear her thoughts again. Luxurious self-care may be limited in this period, but self-care is a necessity in whatever means you can get it.

9. Know that Postpartum Depression does not make you a bad mom.

I know you are a good mom, because you care enough to read an article on how to bond better with your baby. When I started sharing my story of psychosis and PPD with others, I was inundated with real-life examples from moms who could relate. Most of them were never diagnosed with a mental illness or sought help; they just suffered. My pastor’s wife said she had the hardest time bonding with her twins. It was all just overwhelming, and the baby blues hit hard. Another mom said she didn’t know what PPD was, so she didn’t get help. She isolated for six months and cried every day. Every single woman I met survived those days and has the best relationship with their kids.

10. Believe that God is bigger than your depression. Pray and journal each day.

Let God use this season to build your dependence on Him. Use this time to strengthen your relationship with Jesus. The closer your relationship is with Him, the closer your relationship is with others. Ask Him each day what He has in store for you to learn. I am a fan of specific prayers and prayer journaling. My healing journey testifies to God’s faithfulness and grace. You will build your resilience muscles in this season, and you will be unstoppable in pursuit of all that God calls you to.

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